| wow |
[24 Apr 2008|12:16am] |
It has been over a year since I have written in this and wow it seems like just yesterday. Where did my youth go? Where did the times when I didn't have to care about anything, when silly things were important and I could just live free? I feel like my life is just changing constantly around me and sometimes I do not know if I have the energy to change it. But this is the life that I have created for myself, for better or for worse, can I say that I am totally happy with it, I do not know but I guess I can say that I can do the best that I can. Sometimes I look at myself and ask where did the girl in high school go, the one that had many morals that I held very close to my heart. I am pretty sure that the kid that I was in high school would probably beat the shit out of me know for the way that I am. I know that change is a part of life and it happens to everyone and sometimes it is for the best but other times I wonder with the exception of being more mature with age, if someone can really go their entire life and not really change a lot? or in is inevitable do people always change regardless of how they grow up? I remember being in high school and saying god I cannot wait to get out of here and live life like an adult. I wish sometimes that I would just slow down and take in everything around me, life is way to short not to.
I do not know if I am in some sort of funk or what but recently I have just been kind of down, I have told people that I am some what sick of even meeting new people, even though I have not always been the one to go out and meet people anyways, it just gets old meeting the same type of people after awhile. What is worse too is that most of the people that you meet now you will probably never see again after a certain amount of time in your life. That might also be why I am so reluctant to go out and meet new people, I just wonder sometimes what is the point.
This summer is going to be weird for me, I am living alone, and I know that tons of people that I know do it all the time, but it worries me a little. I guess the thing that I will miss the most are my family and friends that I will not get to see a lot because I will be down here in Bloomington. Actually right now I miss my family more than ever, we fight a lot but they are also the only people that I know for sure that I can count on for everything. They will never leave my side and will be there for me until the end. I miss just sitting down and talking to my dad, even with his crazy conservative ideals, I just love hearing him speak because he is so passionate about everything. There is always my mom in the back just shaking her head and defending everyone. And then there are my siblings, I do not know where I would be without them. They are the ones that keep me grounded, and make me laugh more than anyone has every made me laugh before. I miss being able to see my youngest brothers and sister grow and seeing the type of people that they are going to become, or even guided them and helping them along the way. They are growing up and I am just on the sidelines watching them, not really playing that big of role in the house now that I do not live there anymore. I hate that I am not going to have as good of relationship with Colin, Maggie, and Seamus as I will with Caitie and Erin. I guess that is also just a part of life and as long as we all stick together as a family everything is going to be alright. In seven weeks Caitie will be graduating, god where has the time gone..it is almost unreal.
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(join the wrestling team)
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[11 Nov 2006|07:55pm] |
IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST,
I want to know some things about you. I
don't care if we've never talked,never liked each other, or if we
already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are
obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends!
1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
2. What is your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
7. Can we get together and make a cake?
8. Do you think I'm a good person?
9. Would you drive across country with me?
10. If you could change anything about me, would you?
11. What do you wear to sleep?
12. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
13. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
14. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?
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(2 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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[10 Sep 2006|12:19am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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stars- one more night |
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It has been so long since I have written on this....
Life has changed and with each step I am dealing with it, all the good and bad. I know that everything is a learning experience and that I can't take anything back, even if I wanted to, it is a part of me and I will grow from it. Learning from the mistakes that I have made are just apart of life. I have to take in all of it. I never thought though I would be learing like this, it is almost a surreal thing.
Being here it fun, but I do miss home, I miss my family and friends that aren't here with me. I never thought I would miss them this much. It is weird how much I have taken for granted in my life, the people that are always going to be there for me no matter what. Even when I mess up they are there to talk me through it. They are the ones that will catch me when I fall. Thank you for that. You mean the world to me and I don't know where I would be without you all there.
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(join the wrestling team)
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[25 Nov 2005|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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curious |
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I want to go on a date, like a real date where they pick you up and you look really cute and you go out to dinner and a movie. I haven't done that in a long time, and I think that it would be something fun to do.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
27 days until I leave for San Diego.
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(1 wear tight | join the wrestling team)
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[05 Sep 2005|05:12pm] |
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I finally got a cell phone. I know I am growing up so fast!haha anyway my # is 219-671-0748 so gimme a call anytime.
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(1 wear tight | join the wrestling team)
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[18 Apr 2005|11:39am] |
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sorry to anyone that is talking to me on the internet and i don't answer back my internet is not working properly so it just keeps disconnecting me. Sorry about that if you really need to talk to me just call me or something like that 4650709
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(1 wear tight | join the wrestling team)
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[04 Apr 2005|08:05pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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Ice Age |
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Got back from the Bahamas a coulpe days ago, I had a blast! I suggest that if you have a chance to go then you should go. It's funny because out of everyone who went I am the only one who got any color.We met some really cool people( that right now we can't get ahold of) had that's of fun, Emily passed out, Katie won a contest, met a John Doe( if you want to know that story just ask, Katie knows it the best). Emily didn't have any sunglasses but now she has a PIMP pair of glasses, they make her look like an old man. I brought some cool stuff back. School is almost over, I have decided that I am not going to prom this year I don't have the money and it just seems like to much time. Don't worry though I will go next year, instead I plan on going to the new Star Wars movie and I am holding Ryan on wearing his Darth Vader outfit.It will be awesome. Alright well if you would like to hang out anytime in the future I will hang out with you.Peace.
Emily has crabs.
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(join the wrestling team)
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[08 Feb 2005|08:48pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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music |
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Ben Folds is playing in my head |
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Life has been going good
Road trips with Emily are fun
Although her breath tends to smell like something has crawled up in there and died.
I've still got that feeling though that something is missing.
I know what it is that I am missing but I have no control over it.
Only time will tell if I can get what I am missing in my life.
Oh well, other then that life is great, couldn't ask for more.
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(join the wrestling team)
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| hmm... |
[03 Jan 2005|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Lean Back-Fat Joe and Remy |
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Break was good.
I figured out that there is no point for me to make a new years resolution because it will never get done so there is just no point.Simple as that. I also decided that I am waiting for something amazing to happen that won't happen. I mean I think that it is great to dream but I'm done dreaming of things that I want to happen, that I know won't work. Most of these things have to do with other people and how I feel about them. All I want from this year is to be happy, and so far it is a pretty good year,even though there has only been 3 days so far, these 3 days have been good. Alright so there are only 153 more days left until school is out(this is counting weekends and holidays). Yes, I counted the days I got bored in study hall, I had to do something.
There are somethings that I did last year that I am not exactly proud of,but they happened and there is nothing that I can do about them now. There are somethings that I wanted to work out but didn't.Somethings I want to forget and move on but I can't, and this year I want to move on. So if I could make one new years resolution it would be to move on, realize that things from last year aren't going to happen.
Right now I am a very happy camper(even though I can't camp very well).YAY!
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(2 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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[31 Dec 2004|10:54pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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dododododododododododododododo |
] |
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!
Hope 2005 is a great year for everyone
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(1 wear tight | join the wrestling team)
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[25 Nov 2004|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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music |
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Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade |
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Who would have thought it would happen here?
Pretty scary.
I am just glad that no one was killed and that Ash wasn't hurt.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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(2 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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[19 Nov 2004|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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Tiny Dancer-Elton John |
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Feeling kind of lonely these days, but I will get over it in time, I always find some way to keep my mind off it.
I had a blast last weekend with some of my closest friends, good times guys, lots of memories were made that night. haha.
I talked to Monica the other night,I haven't seen her in so long.Maybe I will hang out with her soon.
Life is going pretty good right now, nothing really to complain about.Looking forward to the short week next week, if anyone wants to hang out over break just let me know, everyone knows how to get ahold of me somehow.
"Let's go crash that party down
In Normaltown tonight
Then we'll go skinny-dippin'
In the moonlight
We're wild girls walkin' down the street
Wild girls and boys going out for a big time"
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(join the wrestling team)
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| Life |
[31 Oct 2004|04:10pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Sarah McLachlan-Witness |
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So many things about so many people go threw my head all the time, people that I am friends with,and even people that I am not very close to. For somepeople I wonder why I am waiting for them to realize things, for others I ask myself why I am still trying to make things work. Does everyone have to face a reality of not being friends with the same people that you have been friends with for a really long time? How many people do you really see after you graduate high school?
I did alot of thinking this weekend about who I use to be, who I am now, and who I want to be. Right now I am pretty happy with who I am, I realized that I have to a little nicer to some people if I want to keep them as friends. This year is moving by really fast, I kind of wish that it would slow down a little bit so that I can take it all in. Life has changed so much from freshmen year to this year. I have lost friends and gained friends, experienced so many things, somethings I didn't want to experience but I did and I learned from them. That is what this part of my life is for right, learning.
I just want everything that I want in life to work out for me, I know that I can't have everything but the things that I really true want, that is all I could ask for. What I really want more then anything though is to be happy with whatever I do because I think that worst thing is to be disappointed in yourself, you can fail for other people but if you fail to yourself then what do you do. If there is one thing that I have learned in my 16 years on this earth that you are by yourself, and in this life, you don't have to prove nothing to anybody but yourself. I think that somepeople think that they have to prove things to their parents or to their friends or whoever but if you are doing it just for their approval and not your own then, how happy are you going to be? My wish for everyone that I know is that find something that you truely love to do and do it, don't be afraid of what anyone will think just be happy.
I was just thinking..thought I would let it out.
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(9 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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[27 Oct 2004|06:20pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
EVERYONE READ THIS!!!!!!
Tomorrow night at Emily's house we are throwing a dinner party at 7pm. If you are reading this you are welcome to come. Everyone should come because why would you want to turn down free food..Just to let everyone know that Emily will not be cooking so they food will be edible. If you aren't sure how to get to Emily's house then IM her at michelesVhole or me at awallflower7
Please come it is going to be fun!
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(join the wrestling team)
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[24 Oct 2004|07:47pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
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music |
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Beautiful Day-U2 |
] |
I got the shit scared out of me this weekend...but I am ok now
On Saturday I went to see The Gruge with Emily and Nathan and it almost made me cry, it was that bad. Then we met up with Jackie,Katie, and Bobby and went to a Haunted House and that was a very good house I was scared, so was everyone else I think. I sorry Nathan that I hit you I really didn't mean to hit your face.
I want to go to coffee soon..if you want to go with me let me know.
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(2 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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[10 Oct 2004|09:55am] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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Sigur Ros |
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This weekend was a very fun weekend. I had a complete blast!
Emily's boyfriend is a jerk but that is ok because she had fun
with everyone else instead of him so yea poop on you Matt!
To see Andrew streak across the field on Friday was just
priceless I wouldn't have missed it for the world. God I
love that kid,
Then on Saturday we were suspose to hang out with Matt but
he decided that he would be cool and go to a concert in
Milwakee(sp)instead and just completely ditch Emily, he is the
best boyfriend in the entire world, I am telling you all boyfriends
should be like that, the world would be a much better place.
So we went to the mall and then we went to Nathan's variety show,
which there are just no words to explain it. I thought that they did
a very good job. And to see Nathan,again, looking like a girl and being his
true self well it was just GREAT! All in all it was a good show.
So Emily,Katie,and I were hungry so we went to Round The Clock, and are waiter
was just starring at Emily like the whole time, now I'm not sure but he sounded gay,
but I don't know many gay guys that just stare at girls so anyway we left him a number and
when we got outside we saw him like jumping up and down in the back looking at the note
it was the funniest thing ever!I can't wait to find out if he called the number or not.
Then we went to Tim's house and it was good to see everyone again. I was molested by Tim Zervos, there
are no words to describe that one either, it was just bad, but I did have alot of fun there.
Then Kaite was invited to another party and that was so fun, I like this drink that has red bull and
some other drink with it is something bomb, if you know the name would you let me know, it would be
greatly appericated. I met some very pretty boys at that party, and I do mean very pretty, and then I went home and fell asleep.
This weekend was a blast and thank you to everyone that I hung out with this weekend because you guys are the reason that it was so much fun!
btw..Emily likes deep voiced men
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(4 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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| Cool beans |
[20 Sep 2004|09:18pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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Emery-Walls |
] |
School has been going pretty good no complaints yet, which is a good thing.
Just to let people know( if you would like to come) a whole bunch of us are going camping on October 9th at Turkey Run. It is going to be alot of fun! So if you want to go just talk to me or Jackie or someone like that.
On Saturday I am going to my aunt's commitment ceremony. I'm excited to go it should be a pretty intresting thing to experience. Something new to do, I am excited to see all of my relatives. Alot of my mom's family I haven't seen in a long time, it kind of weird to because I use to spend months at a time with them when I was little. Oh well I guess things change.
I'm a pretty happy camper right now. Everything is going pretty darn good. I'm happy, well I'm kind of upset because I haven't started swimming yet but that is a different story that I don't feel like talking about just because of the fact that it is a stupid story. And for people that don't know I got contacts, I still think that it is weird to see myself without glasses.
Well everyone have a good week!
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(2 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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| School |
[25 Aug 2004|06:56pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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modest mouse |
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First day wasn't that bad..School is going to be good this year, I am ready for it!
So the other day I was sitting in the car coming home from the beach and I was just thinking the people that I hung out with this summer and most of the time in high school I am never going to see again in 2 more years, I might not ever see my friends that have left for college. This is just a step I guess they say in growing up, and I am ready for it. Just taking it one day at a time, waiting to battle whatever shit life throws at me. Isn't that the way it should be, I am not going to be afraid anymore of things that could go wrong, if they go wrong then they go wrong and I have to figure out how to fix them. I can't wait for the day that I graduate from college and I say college because I really don't see myself being "on my own" until I am cut off from them. So I am going to do whatever it takes to live a good life and not be held back by anything, nothing and no one is going to stop me from being the person that I am, the person that I am going to be and the goals that I have set for myself.
I know that I have very strong opinions about things and I am sorry if I have made you think that you are wrong because of the fact that I usually only see things my way but most of the time people just don't seem to want to disagree with me, I don't really understand it.I mean I state my opinion, but other people just don't say anything back even if I know they disagree. I tell people when they are full of shit so I expect them to do the same for me.
Anyways I am going to kick ass in school this year I can feel it. So excited!
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(4 wear tights | join the wrestling team)
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diary_of_me's journal
frustrated